Ask google and indeed, you will find countless tips on anger management. Experts and professionals suggest various strategies and exercises for controlling your temper and getting the best out of a situation.
Therefore, what I say may not be quite as impressive as compared to experts’ advise, nevertheless, why not give it a try?
Let me share with you my experience.
I have this housemaid, who is recently getting on my nerves. The reason being, she is constantly on the phone as she does her chores. Few days back, I had very politely told her to get off the phone while working. However, the past few days, she chatters using her earphone or runs to check her phone every time she gets a message beep, to the point of irritation. It disturbs my concentration and I nearly lost my temper the other day. By sheer self-control, I decided not to shout, but rather firmly told her not to use the phone while at work. Did you think she stopped? Oh no, she continued the next day too, behind closed washroom.
Now, her action not only irritated me, but it bruised my ego that she no longer respected my words. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but just took a moment to think. I could just think of two options in my small mind – I either fire her or shout at her and she stops coming to work. That moment of thinking is what this post is all about. It has been 2 days and I am still thinking whether to express my anger or not; using the strategies that I am going to share with you.
Strategies for Anger Management
Hold your emotions for just a minute and name your emotion(s)
Whenever you are getting emotional, just hold your emotions for a single minute. Use that ‘minute’ to analyze your exact feelings. Give a name to your emotions. Is it anger, disappointment, fear, hurt, anxiety, ego bruise, or depression? Once you get your emotions right, you will be in a better position to react to the situation.
Share the situation with family or friends
It is very important that your share the situation with family members or friends. It will give you space to recap the events and probably make you see the situation more clearly. Moreover, it will give you time to know if you are right in getting angry.
For example, as soon as the housemaid left, I shared her behavior with my daughters. I expressed my feelings and asked them if I am right in finding fault with her behavior.
Compare the opinion of others with yours
I shared my feelings with my husband and got his thoughts. I also checked with a friend who had referred the housemaid and got her opinion too. Now it is in my hands to take a suitable course of action.
Get the opinion of family or friends. It is always best to get the opinion of one or more person(s) to know if you are right in carrying the emotion(s). Ask them what they will do in your situation.
Plan your “Angry-Self” Time
Once convinced that you are right, set a time to confront the person regarding the situation. Do not let your emotions get the better of you. You need to take control of the situation and not let the situation to take control of you. Do not let the opponent to take control of your emotions. Get angry on your terms.
Plan an appropriate time to express your feelings. Run-through of what you want to say to the person. Practice voice modulation, content, and delivery style. Do you want it to be stern, diplomatic or as a warning? Plan the strategy for being effective.
Well, I have got to this stage and have well planned my “talk-time”. I guess, it will work out. Even otherwise, my anger has subsided and I am able to make more sense out of the situation. It is now up to me to talk to my housemaid or give it more time before I express my emotions. Either way, I am all set!
Engage your opponent
Have a conclusive talk without hurting the other person. Seek reasons for their behavior and see if it is justified. Express your anger in such a way that you gain respect. You need to make sure that your anger is reasonable and that you are serious about the situation being controlled and not repeated in future. Get the assurance from the other person that the situation will not be repeated.
Try these strategies for effective anger management and if necessary use this Exercise sheet.
In all probability, by the time you are through with the third or the fourth step, you will no longer be interested in expressing your anger and would have moved on in life.
Let me know if it worked for you.
By the way, apply these tips with your colleagues, superiors or with people, you need to interact. Be yourself with your family members. Life is more fun that way!
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